The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
