your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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