guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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