don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
