the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she peed on how many people?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
