he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
