Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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