she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
