I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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