Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
