No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im six kinds of drunk right now
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
