Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
