just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
