so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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