I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
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they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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