All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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