She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
