he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
