Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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