So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
