Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
