Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
