Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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