haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
