Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
