She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
