and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
