Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
