3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
