i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
