i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
