I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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