youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
