i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
