Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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