she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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