I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
