me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
