well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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