She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Swine flu is the new snow day.
worst night to have a conscience
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
