I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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