At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
