Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
time to smoke my breakfast
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
