"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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