you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
And then he peed in my hair
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