i already hear my dad disowning me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
