so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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