Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
