I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
