I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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