please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
