What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
