I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
