I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
