Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
