I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
