booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
