When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
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Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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