i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
