In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
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I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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