Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
