I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
