I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
