Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You ruined the universe
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
