i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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