i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
