I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize