I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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