i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
