I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
