There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
